The Importance Of Building Rapport In The Gift Solicitation Process

Advanced fundraising strategies for direct
development gift solicitation during capital campaigns

by: Mary-Jane Hilton

Have you ever met someone for the first time and within minutes felt as if you had known that person for years rather than mere moments? Perhaps you felt so at ease with that person that you found yourself sharing information about yourself that you’d normally only tell someone who was very close to you. You may have felt as if the other person totally understood you and even shared your point of view. That feeling is known as ‘rapport’.

Ordinarily, establishing that kind of rapport with a stranger is rare. We may have it with lifelong friends or family members but hardly ever with strangers. However with NLP it is possible to create rapport within minutes with someone you have never met before.

In his book ‘Unlimited Power’ , international success coach Anthony Robbins says rapport happens naturally and unconsciously when people spend time together. But by mirroring (copying) and matching the other person’s behaviour, you can do it consciously to enhance communication.

In other words, by deliberately copying or matching another person’s physical behaviour and speech patterns, you can create a feeling of rapport that is normally only experienced between people who’ve known each other for a long period of time.

When people are in rapport, they not only agree on ideas but also often mirror each other’s language patterns, phrases, movements and breathing. Look around your office and notice whether there’s strong rapport between your work colleagues. Check whether their body language is similar. It doesn’t have to be exactly the same – just similar.

If they’re sitting, they might cross their legs at the same time, lean forward, lift their drinks at the same time, and perhaps even breathe at the same time. Some people might speak really quickly together or in long, carefully thought out sentences.

If you listen very carefully, you might become aware of similarities in the words that they use. They might, for instance, refer to ‘seeing’ or ‘hearing’ what the other person means or ‘feeling’ good about something that has been said.

In his book, ‘Instant Rapport’ , NLP Trainer Michael Brooks says people fall into rapport very quickly and automatically with people who are like themselves. People like people who are like themselves, he adds. “Aren’t you attracted to people who are like you or whom you want to be like? I mean, when you’re with someone opposite from you, do you feel an urgency to make them a fast friend? Not really. Rapport reverses a strict law of physics: instead of opposites attracting, like attracts like.”

When people’s view of the world is diametrically opposite to our own, it’s harder for us to relate to them. It becomes difficult to maintain rapport with someone who thinks, acts, and behaves in ways unlike the way we consider to be ‘normal’.

The next time you’re in a café or restaurant, glance around and notice the different levels of rapport between couples, friends, families or groups of people, especially lovers who illustrate perfect mirror images of each other.

Brooks explains, “Being in rapport is the ability to enter someone else’s model of the world and let them know that we truly understand their model. And it’s letting someone come into our frame of the world and having an experience of them truly understanding us.”

In a fundraising context, establishing rapport is crucial. It not only helps potential benefactors to feel relaxed and understood, but also helps to develop an intuitive link between them and the person asking for a benefaction. This intuitive link leads to insights that the Hopi Indians call ‘soul linking’ and enables the fundraiser to intuitively know how to proceed with a solicitation and at what financial level the potential benefactor might like to be invited to give in support of the cause.

For gift solicitation to be successful fundraisers need to know what specifically motivates potential benefactors to give; what projects they are likely to give to, and what benefits they will want to receive in return for their benefactions.

Fundraisers can then match the benefactor’s needs with a specific project and design an appropriate way of saying thank you. To elicit this type of information it is essential to discover what and how potential benefactors think.

Copyright 2007 Mary-Jane Hilton

About the Author:

Mary-Jane Hilton has worked as a professional fundraiser for over 20 years on 3 continents and offers consultations, coaching and training in all aspects of fundraising, capital campaigns, and direct development work -- specialising in fundraising for schools, charities and professional orchestras.

She can be contected via her website: http://www.maryjanehilton.com

For Fundraising Consultations or Coaching...

Contact: Mary-Jane Hilton

Email: maryjanehilton[at]maryjanehilton.com

Tel: (+44) 01789 205139

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